Red vs Blue: Transformers Style Season One
by Lecter the Werewolf
Summary: I combined the first season episodes of 'Red vs. Blue' with character from 'Transformers'G1. Red team Decepticons, Blue team Autobots.
1. Ch 1: Why Are We Here?

Red vs. Blue: Transformers style 

**Disclaimer: Red vs. Blue is owned by Rooster Teeth Productions and Hasbro owns Transformers.**

Chapter One: Why are we here?

Our story begins on Blood Gulch with two Decepticons, Starscream and Frenzy, guarding their base. Starscream turns to Frenzy,

"Hey, Frenzy? You ever wonder why were here?"

"Well it's one life's great mysteries. Why are we here? Are we the product of some cosmic coincidence or was there a creator, watching everything? I don't know. It keeps me up at night."

Starscream took a moment to absorb the answer but then realized something,

"What? I mean why are out here, in this canyon?"

"Oh, yeah," exclaimed Frenzy lamely.

"What was all that stuff about a creator?" asked Starscream.

"Nothing."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No…"

"You sure."

"Yeah."

"Seriously, why are we here?" asked Starscream, "As far as I can tell, it's just a boxed canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out."

"Um-hm." Frenzy agreed.

"The only reason we set up a Decepticon Base over here is because they have a Autobot Base over there. And the only reason they have a Autobot Base over there is because we have a Decepticon Base over here."

"Yeah that's because were fighting each other," stated Frenzy.

"No I mean, if we pull out today and they want to come and take our base, they'll have two bases in the middle of a boxed canyon. Whoop-de-do."

"What's up with that?" asked Frenzy, "I signed up to conquer other planets. Next thing I know, Unicron blows up half of the universe and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of Autobots.

Unaware by the Decepticons, two Autobots were spying on them in the cliffs. Optimus Prime held a sniper rifle while Jazz watched on.

"What are they doing?" asked Jazz. Prime was puzzled by the question,

"What?"

"I said 'What are they doing now'," repeated Jazz. Prime got frustrated,

"Primus-damnit, I am getting sick and tired of answering that question."

"You're the one with damn sniper rifle," yelled Jazz,

"I can't see shit and I not going to stand around all day and play with my-." Prime interrupted him,

"Okay they're just standing and talking. That's all they do, that's all they ever do. That's what they did last week, that's what they did five minutes ago. So five minutes from now, when you ask 'What are they doing?' I'm going to say, 'they're still just standing there and **they're still just talking**!" Satisfied with his answer Jazz asked another question,

"What are they talking about?" Prime chose not to answer but said,

"You know, I f&king hate you."

Starscream and Frenzy continued their own conversation,

"Talk about a waste of resources," said Frenzy, "We need to find intelligent forms of life left and fight them." Starscream agreed with his comrade,

"Hell yeah! That's why they should put us in charge." Just then a voice came from the distance,

"Decepticons, front and center on the double." It was their leader, Megatron. Frenzy and Starscream looked over to him,

"Crap," complained Frenzy.

"Yes sir," replied Starscream as they descended from the base.


	2. Ch 2: Decepticons Get a Delivery

Chapter Two: Decepticons get a delivery.

Frenzy and Starscream ran as fast as they could to their leader, Megatron, was not looking happy, "Hurry up, lackeys, this ain't no ethanol social."

Starscream was confused, "Ethanol social?"

"Stop talking you two," ordered Megatron, "Anyone want to guess why I gather you here, today."

"Is it because the war's over and your sending us home?" asked Frenzy with hope.

Megatron gave a disgusted look at him, "That's exactly it, Private. The war's over, we won. Turns out you're the big hero and we're going to throw a parade in your honor. I get to command the troops and Starscream, here, is IN CHARGE OF THE AIR FORCE!!"

Frenzy felt disappointed, "I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir."

Megatron grew angrier, "Primus-damnit, Frenzy, shut your mouth or I'll have Starscream remove your spark while you sleep."

"Oh I'll do it to," said Starscream as he gave an eye at Frenzy.

"I knew you would Star, good man," Megatron said, "Couple of things today, minions, I have seem fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost No. One."

Frenzy knew what that meant, "Crap, we're getting a proto."

"That's right, scrap metal," continued Megatron, "Our new recruit will be here within the week but today we got our first shipment from myself. Soundwave, bring out the vehicle."

The Decepticon mechanic, Soundwave, drove over the hill in strange vehicle with four wheels on each side.

"Shotgun," said Starscream,

"Shotgun, damn," cursed Frenzy.

"May I introduce our new assault weapon," said Megatron, "It has four-inch armor plating, all terrain ability, a tail gunner position, and total seating for three. Decepticons, this is the D-12 ATW. I like to call it 'The Scorponok."

"Why Scorponok, sir?" asked Starscream,

"Because D-12 ATW is too hard to pronounce in conversation, son," replied Megatron.

"I know but, why Scorponok I mean, it doesn't look like an arachnid," commented Frenzy,

"Say that again," ordered Megatron.

"I think it looks like a crab."

"What in hell is crab?" demanded Megatron.

"You mean the STD?" asked Starscream,

"No, no a crab, it's a sea animal. Humans eat it."

Megatron walked up to Frenzy,

"You're making that up."

"I'm telling you, it's a real animal," Frenzy protested.

"Starscream, I want you to poison Frenzy's next charge," ordered Megatron,

"Yes, sir," replied Starscream.

Megatron walked over to the front of the vehicle, "Look see these two parts, they look like pincers and what kind of animal has pincers?"

"A lobster," answered Frenzy.

"Did I just tell you to stop making up animals!!" yelled Megatron.

Optimus Prime and Jazz observed the new vehicle from the cliffs,

"What is that thing?" asked Jazz.

"I don't know," answered Optimus,

"It seems like they got some kind of car down there. Better get back to base and report it."

"A car? How come they get a car?" complained Jazz,

"What are you complaining about, we're getting an Ark Class Tank at the very next drop," said Optimus.

"You can't pick up fembots in a tank," said Jazz,

"Oh, you know what, you can bitch about anything, couldn't you," remarked Optimus, "We're getting a tank in the very next drop and you're worried about fembots. What fembots are we going to pick up? And secondly, how are we going to pick up fembots in a car that looks like that?"

"Well, what kind of car is it?" Jazz asked,

"I don't know, I've never seen a car that looks like that before. Looks like a sea animal of some kind."

"What like a crab?"

"Yeah, like a crab."

"So unless anyone has any more fictional aliens they like to suggest for the name of the vehicle," said Megatron, "we're going with 'The Scorponok'. How about it, Frenzy?"

"No sir, no more suggestions," concluded Frenzy.

"You sure, how about Vulcan?"

"It's okay sir."

"Wookie?"

"No really Megatron, I'm cool."

"Ewok?"

"Dalek?" asked Starscream,

"He doesn't need any help," said Frenzy.

"Romulan?"

"Oh, shut up!"

"Predator?" continued Megatron,

"Oh, crap," said Frenzy.

"Hey Starscream, what's the name of those people with funny faces, they like to fight a lot?" asked Megatron.

"That would be the Klingons, sir."

"Hey Frenzy, Klingy. How about that? I like it, got a ring to it."


	3. Ch 3: The Protos

Chapter Three: The Protoes.

The following week, the new recruits for the Decepticons and Autobots arrived at their respected bases. The Decepticon recruit headed to the top of the base to see Frenzy and Starscream continuing their constant chatter,

"Hey, that's not exactly what happened," said Starscream,

"Yes it is," countered Frenzy, "You said 'I'm not going to the Gambling District', the next thing I know you're in a Cybertron cab headed for"

"Excuse me, sirs?"

"Sirs?" The two turned to the voice and saw another robot.

"Ah, crap," said Frenzy, this robot had red armor and did not have hands but two hammer-like parts.

"I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost No. One and speak to Megatron," he said.

"Sorry, Megatron is giving orders to another squad, ain't nobody in charge today," replied Frenzy.

"Actually, Private. He left **me** in charge while he's gone," countered Starscream,

"You are such a kiss-ass," criticized Frenzy.

"Also he told me if I have any trouble from you I should," Starscream continued as he tried to imitate Megatron's voice, "To get in the Scorponok and tear your head off like a can-opener."

"That's the worst impression I've ever heard," Frenzy remarked.

Starscream turned his attention to the new guy, "Okay, proto, what's your story?" he asked.

"Private Rumble reporting for duty sir, I'm ready to crush my enemies."

Neither Frenzy nor Starscream were impressed by Rumble's play on words.

"Couple of things, proto," said Frenzy, "First off, Private Rumble? I think someone needs a new name and secondly, what's with the armor color?"

"This is the standard issue Decepticon," replied Rumble.

"I know," remarked Frenzy, "Listen, Megatron only lets two people wear standard issue Decepticon; officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to remove my spark, you're probability not an officer."

"Well he's wearing red armor," Rumble commented as he turned to Starscream,

"No, I am wearing white armor with red stripes," said Starscream, "You're armor is red."

"Well, how do I change my armor color?" asked Rumble,

"I bet the Autobots don't have to put up with this kind of crap," Starscream said to Frenzy.

The Autobots were putting up with that kind of crap. Their new recruit, Bumblebee, arrived with the Ark Class tank and was explaining how it got there,

"So I say to the guy, 'How are you going to get the tank down to the planet?' and he goes, 'I'll just put on the ship,' and I go, 'If you got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?'"

"Hey, Bumblebee," said Jazz, "You're ruining the moment. Shut up."

"Okay, you got it man," replied Bumblebee.

"You know what, I could blow up the whole Primus-damn world with this thing," Optimus Prime told himself.

Starscream had a plan for the proto, "Okay Private Rumble, here's the deal."

"I just refuse to call him Private Rumble," Frenzy complained.

"We got a very important mission for you," continued Starscream, "You think you can handle it."

"Absolutely," replied Rumble.

"We need you to go to the store and get two quarts of rust remover."

"And pick up some headlight fluid for the Crab too," added Frenzy.

"The what?" asked Rumble,

"He means the Scorponok," said Starscream,

"You do know where the store is? Right, proto?" asked Frenzy.

"What? Yeah, yeah of course I do. Of course, no problem," said Rumble,

"Well, get going then," ordered Starscream. Rumble started heading in one direction,

"Other way," said Frenzy,

"I knew that. Just got turned around, that's all," Rumble stated as he headed the other way. Frenzy and Starscream watched Rumble head off into the open field of the canyon,

"How long till you think he figures out there is no store?" asked Starscream,

"I say at least a week," answered Frenzy.

Rumble was far from the base when he started talking to himself, "Rust remover? How stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that headlight fluid, I'm going to talk to Megatron."

The Autobots continued staring at their new toy,

"You know what, forget what I said before," said Jazz, "We can totally pick up fembots in this thing. Probability two or three fembots a piece."

"Listen to you, what are you going to do with two fembots?" asked Optimus,

"Optimus, fembots are like combiners, the more you can hook up, the better it gets," Jazz commented.

Back at the Decepticon base, Starscream asked Frenzy a question,

"You think that we were too mean to the proto?"

"Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours," answered Frenzy, "What's the worst that can happen?"

Rumble arrived at the Autobot base unaware they were the enemy,

"Finally there it is. Oh, sweet, they sell tanks."


	4. Ch 4: Head Proto in Charge

Chapter Four: Head proto in charge

As they were inspecting their new weapon, Optimus Prime decided to confession something to his team,

"Hey, I'll let you in on a little secret. I actually got a girl back home."

"Oh yeah, girlfriend or wife," asked Jazz,

"No man, she's just my girlfriend," answered Optimus, "We were going to get married but I got shipped out, you know how it works."

"You going to marry her when you get back," asked Jazz.

"I'm not going to get married," remarked Bumblebee, "My dad always said 'Why buy the rig when you can get the oil for free."

Optimus took offense to that remark, "Hey, rookie. Did you just call my girlfriend a rig?"

"No, I think he called her a slut-a-con," Jazz suggested.

"I tell you what, proto. I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long," said Optimus, "But as it turns out, I got a lot more of important stuff for you to do."

"Great," replied Bumblebee,

"See we got this general," explained Optimus,

"Right, the general guy," repeated Jazz.

"Who likes to come by and make random inspections of the bases," continued Optimus, "So what I'm going to have you do is go inside the base and stand right next to the disk at attention, just in case he decides to come by."

"When is he coming by," Bumblebee asked,

"We never know," Jazz answered, "It could be today or a week from now."

"You want me to stand at attention for a week?"

"You know, you don't sound very grateful," remarked Optimus, "This is the most important job at the whole base. You're going to be right there with the disk."

"What's so important about the disk?"

"Oh come on, did they teach you guys anything in training?"

"They didn't tell us anything about a disk. Why is it so important?"

"Because it's the disk man, you know, it's the disk. Jazz, you tell him why the disk is so important."

"Well its, its complicated," explained Jazz, "It's Autobot, we're Autobot."

"It just important okay, trust us," concluded Optimus, "So when the general comes by, the first thing he's going to do is inspect the disk. So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him."

Bumblebee started heading to the base when he turned back around at the two, "How will I know when I see him?"

"There is only three of us out here, rookie," said Jazz, "He's the one that doesn't look like us."

"Now get in there and don't come out," ordered Optimus. After Bumblebee headed inside, Optimus turned to Jazz, "Man, that guy's dumber than you are."

"You mean he's dumber than you are," remarked Jazz.

"Wow, Jazz that was a great comeback," Optimus said sarcastically.

"Ah, Mr. Prime," said Bumblebee as he reappeared at the entrance,

"Oh my Primus, what," yelled Optimus, "Jazz I swear I am going to kill him."

"Sorry about calling your girl a slut-a-con," apologized Bumblebee.

"Rookie, shut up! Just shut up your driving me crazy, get in there," screamed Optimus, Jazz could not help but snicker a little.

"Jazz, are you laughing at me," asked Optimus, at the same time he turned to face Jazz, Rumble approached behind him,

"Excuse me, sir? Can I ask you a question?" Optimus assumed it was Bumblebee and did not want to turn around again,

"Dear Primus in Heaven, rookie. If I turn around and you are not inside, I can't be held responsible for what I'm going to do with you."

Rumble was confused by that statement, "What did I do?"

"One," Optimus started counting,

"Oh give me a break."

"Two,"

"Fine."

Rumble headed into the base before Optimus was finished. Once he was inside, he spotted Bumblebee, who thought he was the general,

"Wow, you got here fast."

"Why is everybody so freaking rude in this canyon?"

"I'm not sir, what can I do for you?"

"Finally someone with a little respect around here."

"Yes sir, I assume you're here because of this," Bumblebee turned to face the disk that was in the main computer.

"Wait, is this all you have," asked Rumble,

"Ah yes sir, that is it."

"Ah man, this figures. Shit. What about rust remover?"

"Ummm"

"Headlight fluid?"

"No, all we have is this disk."

"Well, I can't go back empty-handed. I guest I'll take that."

"Sure that makes sense. I guest."

Rumble injected the disk in his body, "Man they're going to give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid disk."

"Well, enough gabbing out of us," Optimus told Jazz, "Let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in Jazz."

"Me? I can't drive that thing."

"You're telling you're not armor certified."

"I don't even know how to use the fking sniper rife. Don't you know how to drive that?"

"No, holy crap! Who is running this army?!?"

Bumblebee came back outside of the base, "Hey, just want to let you know. The general stopped by and picked up the disk."

"Yeah okay, whatever moron," replied Optimus, "Why would they give us a tank if nobody knows how to drive the damn thing? Wait a second, what did he say?"


	5. Ch 5: The Package is in the Open

Chapter Five: The package is in the open

Optimus Prime tried to wrap his mind around what just happen, "Let me get this straight," he told Bumblebee, "You gave this guy our disk."

"Is that bad," asked Bumblebee.

"Bad? Oh no, that's not bad. The next time he comes over, why don't help him blow up the whole Primus-damn base!"

Jazz spotted Rumble, "There, there he is."

Optimus took out his sniper rifle and looked around, "Where? Oh, there, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs."

"He must be one smart son of a bitch-bot," thought Jazz.

However, with Rumble, that was not the case, "Oh, man, I am so freaking lost. Where the hell is the base?"

"Oh shit," said Optimus, "Jazz, look at his armor, it's red."

"Oh man, that's must mean its Megatron."

"Well that makes sense. At least we know how he got by our defenses."

"You know," stated Bumblebee, "He came through the back door where you guys were standing."

"Well let's take him out them," said Jazz.

"Roger that," replied Optimus, taking aim he began to lock on, "Say 'goodnight' Megatron."

Prime fired four rounds that all missed Rumble, "Son of a bitch-bot," Rumble shouted.

"Oh crap," said Optimus as he put away the rifle. He then notice Jazz was staring at him, "What?"

"You're not very good with that thing, are you?"

"Hey, it's me," yelled Rumble as he faced the Autobots, "I'm the guy who bought the disk, remember?"

"Oh great, now he's taunting us," stated Jazz, "That's just embarrassing."

"Alright, that's it, I've had it," Optimus declared, "Rookie, you stay here. Me and Jazz, will head through the teleporter, cut him off at the past."

"Right," responded Bumblebee.

"Jazz, you ready," asked Optimus, "Let's go."

"There is no way I am going through that thing."

"Jazz, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?"

"I don't know. Why would they give us a tank nobody can drive?"

"We already tested the teleporter, remember?"

"We threw rocks through it."

"Yeah, so what? The rocks came out the other side, did they?"

"Yeah but they were all hot and covered with black stuff."

"Oh so I guess this is what it's all about then? You're afraid of a little black stuff."

"Yes, I am. I'm afraid of black stuff."

Optimus raised his laser rifle, "Jazz, I almost hate to do this to you."

"You wouldn't." "You know, I look at it this way. Either 'A': we go through there and get the disk back or 'B': we stay here and I get to kill you. Either way, I win." "For the record I want you to know, rocks aren't robots."

"Dually noted, now get in there."

"Crap," Jazz walked up to the teleporter, "Alright, one, two." Jazz disappeared through the teleporter as Optimus and Bumblebee waited for him on the other side.

Time had pass and Jazz did not appear,

"Hmm, he didn't come out on the other side," stated Bumblebee.

"Yeah," said Optimus, "I've decided I'm not going use the teleporter." Optimus took off after Rumble,

"Rookie, you stay here I'll be back with the disk."

Over at the Decepticon base, Starscream and Frenzy were waiting for Rumble.

"I still have no idea what you're talking about," said Starscream, "I didn't here any shots."

"I'm telling you, it was four shots," said Frenzy as he looked through his sniper rifle, "Like 'bam', 'bam', 'bam'."

"Wait a second, that's only three 'bams'."

"Bam" Frenzy then saw Optimus heading toward their base, "Wait a second, we got a Autobot on the move out there."

"Where's he headed?"

"Oh crap. It's, it's Rumble and he's got something. Looks like… Starscream, the Scorponok."

"You mean the crab?"

"Yeah keep making jokes, that'll win the war."


	6. Ch 6: 121 Giga Whats?

Chapter Six: Giga-Whats??

Frenzy could not believe what he was seeing,

"Oh crap. It's, it's Rumble and he's got something. It looks like, Starscream, get the Scorponok."

"You mean the crab?"

Optimus Prime caught up with Rumble, "Freeze!"

"Hey, why the hell were you shooting at me? You could have hit me dick!"

"Can it! Don't try playing stupid with me, Megatron! I know who you are, we've been spying on you for three weeks now."

"I just got here two hours ago and I'm not Megatron, I'm still a private."

"Wait a minute, you're not Megatron."

"Yeah, that's what I just said."

"Will then how the hell did you manage to steal our disk?"

"Steal? I have no idea what the hell you're talking about?"

Just then, Jazz appeared out of the other side of the teleporter, startling Optimus and Rumble.

"Prima!!"

"Holy shit!! Who is this guy?!?"

"What in the hell, Jazz? Is that you?" Jazz turned to his leader,

"How did you get up here ahead of me?"

"And what's with that black shit on your armor," asked Rumble. Jazz was covered with some black thing on his armor, staining it, "Hey, freeze Megatron," he yelled at Rumble.

"Will you stop calling me Megatron, I'm still just a private."

"Megatron is still a private? Oh my Primus! The teleporter sent me back in time," Jazz concluded.

Frenzy and Starscream ran to the Scorponok as Soundwave was working on it,

"Sorry Soundwave, we need the jeep," Frenzy said as he got in the driver seat.

"I'll take gunner," said Starscream, "Let's roll." The jeep rolled out as Starscream called to their mechanic,

"Don't worry, Soundwave, I'll bring it back in one piece."

"How you turn off the fking radio in this car?"

Jazz tried to explain to Prime what was going on, "Look, I know you don't me but you have to believe what I'm about to tell you. Some time in _your _future, I get stationed here at Blood Gulch and we meet. And Megatron here promotes himself as leader of the Decepticons and we spy on them. And they get this new jeep and I'm like 'There is no way you can pick up fembots in a tank'."

"Jazz, what the fk are you babbling about?"

"I know this all sounds crazy, but he elections himself leader and we get a tank and one day he comes and steals our disk while we were distracted."

"Is this guy a retard-a-con," asked Rumble,

"Decepticon, shut up," ordered Prime, "Jazz listen to me; you haven't gone back in time, okay. This _is_ the guy who stole our disk; he's just not Megatron. Turns out, he's just some dumb rookie who happens to have the same color armor as an officer. He got in somehow and for Primus sake, what is that music?"

Frenzy and Starscream flew over the hill in the Scorponok near the Autobots.

"Whoo-hoo!"

"Son of a bitch-bot!"

"Holy Shit!"

"Run, Prima, run!"

"The jeep followed me back in time." Jazz and Optimus headed for the rocks as Starscream fired the tail gun and yelled insults at them.

"What the hell is going on here, Frenzy asked Rumble,

"You know what, I honestly have no idea what is going on. I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane!"

"How did you get the disk?"

"I don't know, I just asked for it."

"Wait, that worked?"

"I guess, is it not suppose to?"

"I don't know, we never thought to try that. Just take the disk to the base, I'll explain there."

"Not until someone tells me what the fk"

"There's no time, rookie! Just take the disk and go to base, I'll explain everything there!"

"Fine." Rumble took the disk and headed out,

"Back to _our _base, dumbass," yelled Frenzy,

"I know, I just got turn around. That's all."

Bumblebee was observing the whole thing on top of the base with his sniper rifle,

"Oh man, that's not good. Oh my Primus, that jeep has a really big gun."

He then lowered his rifle and thought about something,

"Stay here. Tank. Stay here. Tank. Ah, screw it."

He proceed to head to the tank as Optimus and Jazz were trapped behind the rocks,

"Well, we'll just wait here," said Optimus, "That thing's got to run out of lasers sometime."


	7. Ch 7: Check Out the Trends On That Tank

Chapter Seven: Check out the treads on that tank

Optimus Prime and Jazz crouched low, trying to avoid laser fire from the Scorponok.

"My Primus, doesn't that thing every run out of lasers," Optimus asked Jazz.

"You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank," suggested Jazz,

"Hey, Jazz, what good is a tank going to do for us if nobody knows how to drive it?"

"Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy."

"Yeah but. Well, I guess I have to give that one to you."

Bumblebee stepped into the driver's seat of the tank and turned it on. A female voice greeted him,

"Hello and thank you for activating the M-808-V Ark Battle Tank. You may call me Joan."

"Hello, Joan, big tank lady," replied Bumblebee.

"Would you like me to run the tutorial program?"

"Oh that'll be very nice. Thank you."

"Tutorial program activated: this program is intended to instruct non-certified personal in the use of this Ark-Class tank. Let's begin with some driving." Bumblebee began driving lessons in the tank.

Frenzy felt that the Autobots were not going to come out if the gun kept firing,

"Starscream? STARSCREAM??" he yelled to get his comrade to stop shooting.

"Man, that thing is loud," he told Starscream, who was hopping off the gunner position.

"WHAT," yelled Starscream.

"Come on, let's sneak around the back of the lot and get them out."

"OKAY."

"Keep it down, Prima. Come on, let's before they figure out what's going on."

Bumblebee continued his training in the tank named Joan,

"Now that you have mastered driving the M-808-V, let's move on to some of the safety features."

"No, no, wait, go back. Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?"

Optimus saw that the Scorponok was empty,

"Hey, they stopped firing," he whispered to Jazz.

"Why are you whispering?"

"Ummm, I don't know."

Frenzy and Starscream came to a high cliff that they could go over, "Ah crap. I don't think will be able to get around this way," Frenzy said.

"Tell me again, why did we get out of the jeep," asked Starscream.

"Well I guess it was this or watch you shoot rocks all day long."

"Well at least that was fun."

The two Decepticons turned to see an enormous tank in front of them with its cannon pointed at close range.

"Holy crap," said Frenzy, "What in Primus' name is that thing?"

"Jazz don't be stupid," said Optimus, "They're just trying to draw us out."

"No they're not, denied Jazz, "Look they left the jeep. They're gone."

"Well, I don't know about this. Seems pretty fishy but, ah screw it, let's go get it."

"Hold still," Frenzy told Starscream as the tank pointed its cannon at him, "I don't think it sees us."


	8. Ch 8: Don't Ph34r the Reaper

Chapter Eight: Don't ph34r the reaper

Frenzy and Starscream watched as tank just moved its cannon around,

"Why is it just sitting there," Frenzy asked.

"Just trying to mess with our heads," replied Starscream, "Let's get back to the Scorponok."

Meanwhile, Joan the tank was still explaining things to Bumblebee, "This tank is equipped with an autofire sequence that can be activated when pressing the autofire button." Bumblebee tried to find the button as Joan kept talking.

"Okay, you ready," Starscream asked Frenzy, "Let's do this on three. One."

"Wait, on three or three then we go?"

"On three. It's always faster to go on three."

"Okay, okay, on three."

Bumblebee found the autofire button and activated it,

"Tutorial deactivated," said Joan, "Autofire sequence activated. Acquiring targets."

"I'm going for the jeep," Optimus told Jazz, "Cover me."

As Starscream began counting, Frenzy slowly backed away from him and head for the Scorponok and Joan began locking on to a target. When Starscream counted to three, he turned and saw Frenzy running ahead of him,

"Oh you backstabbing c&kbite," he cursed. Frenzy was almost there when he heard something,

"Firing main cannon." Joan shot a blast that sent the Scorponok farther from Frenzy and startled Starscream, Frenzy, and Optimus.

"Son of a bitch-bot," they all yelled.

The two Decepticons ran in the open field trying to avoid the cannon fire from the pursing tank. Optimus ran back to the cliff where Jazz was watching everything,

"Hey, dude, the jeep blew up," he said to Optimus.

"No kidding. Thanks for the update, Jazz," Optimus replied sarcastically.

Frenzy and Starscream found cover from the tank behind some rocks,

"Hey, I have a great idea," Starscream said, "Let's get out of the jeep and sneak around the sides of the rocks. GREAT PLAN YOU IDIOT!!!"

The tank assumed the Decepticons were destroyed, "All targets eliminated," she said, "Acquiring new target."

Optimus saw the tank down below, "Hey Jazz, look at this. It's the proto and he brought the tank out to scare off the Decepticons."

"What? No way."

"Hey, proto, good job," called out Optimus, "Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?"

The tank turned its cannon to the Autobot leader, "New target acquired."

"That's not a target," said Bumblebee, "That's Optimus."

"Yeah, that's right. It's me, Optimus! What's going on?"

"Target locked," said Joan.

"What, no. Target unlock, unlock. Please help me nice lady."

"Firing main cannon."

"Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh," said Jazz.

"What," thought Optimus, "Oh son of a …" The blast from the tank sent Optimus flying into the air.

"Holy f&k," yelled Jazz, "Optimus, are you okay? Talk to me, Optimus?"

"You shot Optimus, you team killing f&ktard," Jazz yelled down at Bumblebee.

"Autofire sequence deactivated."

"Jazz, Jazz," Optimus called faintly.

"Optimus, it's going to be okay."

"No. I'm not going to make it. Jazz, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I just want you to know, I always hated you. I always hated you the most."

"Yeah, I know you did. Now hurry up and go offline you prick."

"Okay...uhhhh...BLAHHHH."


	9. Ch 9: After Optimus

Chapter Nine: After Optimus

Starscream and Frenzy used the opportunity of the defeated Autobot leader to head back to base where Rumble was waiting with the disk.

"What happened," he asked.

"Big... Tank... Shooting... Whooooh," said Frenzy in between long breaths.

"Damn, man, we only ran like three hundred feet. You are really out of shape," commented Starscream.

"F&k... You..."

"Where's your car," asked Rumble,

"General Jhiaxus here had a great strategy to leave it behind," said Starscream.

"Hey, it would have worked if that tank hadn't shown up," countered Frenzy,

"You lost the jeep? Oh man, Soundwave is going to be pissed. Where is it?"

Just then a big explosion came and the Scorponok flew onto the roof of their base.

"What the hell," thought Frenzy then another explosion came, "Son of a bitch-bot!"

"Holy crap! What the hell is that thing," asked Rumble.

"That's the tank!"

"Hey uh, Frenzy uh, you want to hold the flag for a little bit?"

"No, keep that away from me!"

Jazz watched as Bumblebee kept shooting the car, "Why do you keep firing at the jeep?"

"Because it's locked on!"

"Well unlock it."

"Last time I unlocked it, I KILLED OPTIMUS!"

"Oh, right... keep shooting the jeep then."

Rumble felt that this was the end, "I hate to point this out guys, but I think were screwed."

"Yeah, I have to agree with the proto on this one," said Starscream.

Just then the Decepticons heard a voice coming on their radios, "Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. Come in, Blood Gulch Outpost, come in. Do you read me? This is Megatron,"

"Oh my Primus, Megatron, is that you," asked Frenzy.

"Roger that, Private. I am currently in-bound to your position from the other squad."

"Sir, this is Starscream."

"Hello Starscream. I hope everything's gone alright while I've been gone."

"Actually sir, things are kind of hectic right now. The new proto arrived, and somehow he managed to infiltrate the Autobot base, and now we have their disk, the Scorponok is damaged, one of their guys is _dead_, and there's this huge f&king tank about to destroy our base."

There was a brief moment of silence. "Am I talking the right base," asked Megatron.

"Megatron, we, are going, to _die_ here," said Frenzy.

"Well then hold tight boys. I think I have a solution to your little 'tank' problem."

Jazz saw a huge ship fly overhead, "Uh-oh," and he turned to Bumblebee, "Hey Bumblebee, you might want to get out of the tank. Like right now."

"I can't figure out how to get this thing open," panicked Bumblebee.

"Night vision engaged."

"Rookie, get out of there now."

Shells began to drop from the sky and slowly move towards the tank.

"Okay, open the duh, okay, I, Joan, will you please open the door," said Bumblebee.

"Driver canopy open," said Joan as Bumblebee ran off, "Thank you for using the M-808-V Ark Battle Ta" a shell hit the tank and blew it on its roof backwards.

Bumblebee screamed as he ran to Jazz, "Man, that was close."

"Look at your tank though."

"I'm scared Dave. Will I dream? Davy... Daaaavvvyyyyyy..."

"Joaaaaaannnnnnn! Noooooo," cried Bumblebee.

"What? No! Joan! Joan! Wait… who's Joan," asked Jazz.

"Joan's the lady in the tank. She was my friend…"

"Oh, dude! I _knew_ you could pick up fembots in a tank!"


	10. Ch 10: A Shadow of His Former Self

Chapter Ten: Shadow of His Former Self

Jazz called up Autobot Command as Bumblebee cleaned his armor.

"Come in Autobot Command. This is Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. Do you read me?"

"Okay, that's the last of it, your armor is clean now."

"Did you get all the black stuff off?"

"This is Autobot Command, come in Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha."

"Hello! Command! We need help."

"Roger that, Blood Gulch, what is your request?"

"I don't know what the technical military term is for it, but uh, we're pretty fked up down here. We need robots!"

"...Dude, how long have you guys been down there?"

"No, no, no, naw, it- not like that. We need more robots to help us."

"Roger that. Did you get the tank we sent?"

"Yeah, that got blown up too."

"Wow. Sucks to be you."

"Yeah, we know."

"Okay, here's what I can do. The nearest Autobot forces can be there in sixteen days, or I"

"Sixteen days!? That's almost two weeks!"

"Or I can hire a nearby freelancer and get him there within a few hours."

"I like the 'in an hour' one," said Bumblebee.

"Yeah, me too," replied Jazz, "Roger that Command, we prefer the quicker solution."

"10-4 Blood Gulch, we will contact freelancer R-C, and have him there post-haste. Command out."

"Whoever he is, make sure he can fix a tank."

"What's a freelancer," asked Bumblebee.

"Freelancers are independent, they're not Decepticons _or_ Autobots. They're just guns for hire, who'll fight for whoever has the most money," explained Jazz.

"Like a mercenary."

"Right. Or like your mom, when the rent's due."

"...oh, that's funny."

"Yeah, you didn't think that was too obvious?"

"No no, no no, that was, that was good."

A white robot started fading in behind the two Autobots. "Jazz…. Jaaaazzzzzzz," it called out in a spooky voice.

Jazz and Bumblebee turned to face the robot.

"Who the hell are you," asked Jazz.

"I am the spark of Optimus Prime," announced the robot, "And I've come back with a waaarniiing."

"You're not Optimus," denied Bumblebee, "Optimus is blue and red, you're white."

"Proto, shut up, man," yelled Optimus, "I'm a freaking spark! Have you ever seen a blue and red spark before?"

"Yeah, that's definitely him," muttered Jazz.

"Now I have to start all over," Optimus cleared his vocal transmitters, "Jazz…. Jaaaazzzzzzz…I've come back with a waaarniiing."

"Is it really necessary to do the voice," asked Jazz.

"Yeah, it's kind of annoying," added Bumblebee.

"Fine. Okay, here's the deal," said Optimus, "I've come back from the offlines to give you a warning about R-C. Don't let"

"What's the warning," interrupted Bumblebee.

"Shut up for one second, and I'll tell you."

"Oh, sorry."

"Seriously, man, I mean, I'm coming back from the great beyond here. You think this is easy? It's not. It's not like I just, you know just pop in and out whenever I feel like it, it takes a lot of concentration."

"Sorry."

"I mean, it's bad enough that you killed me to begin with, but now I come back and I can't even get a word in edgewise, man. ... Okay. Here's the deal."

"Is this the warning?"

"Alright, that's it, I swear to _Primus_, Bumblebee, your metal ass is haunted. When we're done here, I'm going to haunt you."

"Yeah, you're even starting to bug _me_," Jazz cut in

"Okay, Jazz. You remember that I told you I was stationed on Sidewinder before they transferred me here to Blood Gulch, right," asked Optimus.

"No."

"Sidewinder, isn't that the ice planet," Bumblebee wondered.

"Yes."

"Cool, what was _that_ like?"

"Um... it was _cold_."

"That's it? Just cold?"

"What do you want from me, a poem? It's a planet made entirely out of ice. It's _really, fking, cold_."

"Would you just let him talk," yelled Jazz

Optimus Prime told his Autobots of _that _day on Sidewinder. Out at the base different Autobots were on patrol. Optimus was with a black and white robot.

Optimus (voiceover): Alright, well, one day when I was there, everything was just like normal. I remember, I was out on patrol with my partner Prowl. That Prowl was a real good kid, everybody liked him.

Jazz (voiceover): Do you think I was a good kid Optimus?

Optimus (voiceover): Jazz, don't get jealous man, just listen to the story, okay? Like I said, guys were hanging around, waiting' for some action, bitching about the cold. Anyway, Prowl was in the middle of telling me all about this girlfriend he had back home.

"Yep, soon as I get back, I'm going to get down on one knee and ask her to marry me," Prowl told Optimus.

Optimus (voiceover): And that's when R-C showed up.

An invisible robot crossed over into the Autobot.

Optimus (voiceover): Private Sunstreaker was the first to go. He was halfway across the base when all of a sudden he just started screaming bloody murder.

"Bloody murder! Bloody murder," Sunstreaker yelled as he shot his gun in circles.

Optimus (voiceover): The whole thing was over before it even started.

The invisible R-C took out robots one by one by bashing them in the back of their heads with her guns. Optimus and Prowl were firing their guns when R-C came up behind them and grabbed Prowl.

Optimus (voiceover): Poor Prowl was the last one to go. R-C walked up to him, pulled Jimmy's head right off his body and beat him to death with it.

Jazz (voiceover): Wait a second... how do you beat someone to death with their own head? That doesn't seem physically possible.

Optimus (voiceover): That's exactly what Prowl kept screaming.

"This doesn't seem physically possible! Eeeeggh, blehhhhh." Prowl falls over dead and R-C stops beating him.

Optimus gave his comrades one final warning, "Bottom line is: these freelancers, they're bad news, and R-C is one of the worst."

"If he's such a badass, why didn't he kill you," asked Bumblebee.

"To tell you I don't know _why_ I'm not offline. Could've killed me at any point. But maybe it's because R-C and I have run in to each other once before."

"Where," wondered Jazz.

"You uh, you remember that girl I told you about back home? Well, let's just say that R-C is the real reason why we never got married." Optimus' spark began to disappear, "Guys, I'm fading fast and I don't know when I'll be back. Just listen to my warning: don't let R-C get involved here."

"Okay."

"I mean it Jazz. No fighting, no scouting, nothing. You'll regret it."

He vanished, as Jazz and Bumblebee were all alone.

"So, R-C and Optimus were after the same girl," concluded Jazz.

"I told you his girlfriend was a slut-a-con," remarked Bumblebee.

Unbeknownst to both of them, R-C had arrived on Blood Gulch and was ready for combat.


	11. Ch 11: Knock knock Who there? Pain

Chapter Eleven: Knock knock. Who's there? Pain.

Soundwave was busy working on the Scorponok while Frenzy told Megatron what had happened while he was away.

"And then I thought, you know, we could sneak around the side while they were hiding behind the rock, but uh, well that's when the tank showed up and, shit just started blowing' up. I don't know," he concluded.

"Frenzy, do you have any Primusly idea how much this piece of equipment costs," asked Megatron.

"Ah, I don't know, what like uh, ten, ten twenty, twenty-five bucks, maybe? Uh, you, you're going to kill me now, aren't you," said Frenzy.

"Tell you what, Frenzy, I'm a fair man. I'll give you a ten second head start here before I let Soundwave do anything he wants to you."

Soundwave sat up from working and pulled his gun out.

"Guys, I just want you to know. I'm really, really sorry here, and"

"Five Megatron. Six Megatron."

"Okay uh, I guess I better get going then," Frenzy started running as Soundwave and Megatron fired at him, "Hey guys, that's not funny. Somebody could get hurt here."

Meanwhile at the Autobot base, R-C was busy practicing his targeting as Jazz explained their situation.

"That's basically it sir, they have five guys over there and a big jeep."

"And your disk," R-C added.

"Right, that too."

Jazz watched as the freelancer tossed a grenade.

"Uh, hey, R-C? I don't know what it's been like at your other bases, but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here."

It turns out R-C was shooting at Bumblebee,

"I'm scared," he cried.

Jazz noticed something familiar about R-C's armor,

"So, you've got the Special Forces black armor, I see. Were you in the Special Forces at some point?"

R-C ignored him and reloaded his guns.

"Yeah, I used to have black armor too. It was black because I got this stuff all over it from th," before Jazz could finish, R-C ran off, "Oh, okay, you got to go? I'll see you later."

"I don't think he likes you," whispered Bumblebee.

"Thanks."

Jazz and Bumblebee followed R-C to the edge of their base.

"Where are you going," Jazz called out.

"Decepticon base. Kill everyone. Get the disk back," R-C responded and headed off.

"Uh... Okay! We'll just stay here and guard the trans... porter..," said Bumblebee.

Frenzy was explaining to Starscream what Megatron told him,

"So, Megatron thought my strategy had merit, but was poorly executed, probably because **somebody** didn't believe in it."

"Bullshit. He told me he thought you were a retarded droid, and he's going to suspend your weapon privileges," countered Starscream.

"Hey since I captured the disk, do you think they'll give me my own color armor now," asked Rumble who was also with them and holding the disk.

"What do you mean 'captured'? You thought you were buying it at the store, you idiot," Starscream remarked.

"Still, you think there's a shot?"

"Maybe they'll give you Frenzy's armor, since he destroyed the Scorponok."

"Hyeah, heh-wait... you don't... you don't think they'd do that, do you," wondered Frenzy.

Megatron watched Soundwave fix the Scorponok and decided to give some orders,

"Try connecting that hose to that metal thingy over there. I think that's what's making that rattle."

Soundwave just stood up and stared at his leader.

"Ah think I'll let you do it."

He returned to his work as an invisible R-C ran behind Megatron.

"What the... What was that?"

Frenzy noticed Starscream was looking a little nervous.

"Starscream, what's going on? What's over there," he asked.

"I thought I saw something there for a second."

It turns out R-C was hiding below the edge.

"Hey proto," Frenzy called to Rumble, "Tuck the disk somewhere safe until we can figure out what's going on."

"Good idea. I was sick of carrying this thing anyway," Rumble dropped it into the middle of their base.

R-C moved around to get a good range.

"Did you hear that," asked Starscream.

"Yeah," replied Frenzy.

"Hey! What's going on," whispered Rumble.

R-C tossed a grenade up to the top of the base.

Frenzy heard a strange noise and turned around, "What the fk?"

Rumble had grenade stuck on his head, "What?"

Starscream turned and saw it, "What is _that_ thing?"

"What thing?"

"There's something on your head."

"What, is it a nanobot? Get it off!"

"No, it's not a nanobot, it's, like a... blue thing."

"What, like a blue nanobot? Get it off!"

"It's not a nanobot, calm down. It's some kind of, fuzzy pulsating thing."

"That doesn't sound much better than a nanobot."

"Does it hurt?"

"No."

"Maybe we should try to take it off."

"Good idea. Go for it."

"_Me?_ By "we" I meant "you." Asshole."

"Well somebody needs to get it off. Look, it might be dangerous."

The grenade exploded and tore off parts of Rumble's head.

"Son of a bitch-bot," Frenzy and Starscream yelled.

The distraction allowed R-C to sneak in and attack the other Decepticons.

"Son... where'd he go," yelled Frenzy, "Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!"


	12. Ch 12: Down, But Not Out

Chapter Twelve: Down, But Not Out

Bumblebee was watching R-C dominate the Decepticons through the scope of the sniper rifle.

"Man…he is really kicking their asses," he told Jazz.

"How I never get the f&king sniper rifle," Jazz complained.

"I'm really glad R-C is on our team and not theirs," Bumblebee said as he took a break from watching the action.

"Sure makes things a lot easier on us."

"Yeah. I think switching R-C for Optimus was a good trade."

"It definitely seems like your killing Optimus is starting to work out for us."

"Ya know ya think so? You know, I was going to say something but uh, well you know, uh... nuh..."

"Did R-C get in the base?"

Bumblebee returned to looking through the scope and saw R-C run in, "Yeah."

"Autobot team, disk returned."

"What the? Who said that," asked Jazz.

Optimus' spark returned to the Autobots, "Sorry, that was me. I uh, I guess I had something stuck in my throat. Your disk is back, by the way."

"Hey…it's Optimus," exclaimed Bumblebee.

"Yeah, it's me. Hey Bumblebee."

"Hey Optimus, what're you up to?"

"Bumblebee, ah-huh-huh, I'm not really here to make small-talk, okay? How'd you guys manage to get your disk back?"

"Wh, what? Oh, th, that disk? We've always had _that,_" Jazz lied

"Jazz who do you think you're trying to fool? Hey wait a second... Where's R-C?"

"I'm not really sure, he said he was going to go to the store, something about uh, Rust Remover."

"Oh great. This is so _typical!_ What was the one thing I told you guys the last time I appeared?"

"That Sidewinder is cold," said Bumblebee.

"Nuhhhh, what was the _other_ one thing I told you?"

"Not to let him get involved," said Jazz.

"Right. And what did you do?"

"We let him get involved."

"And not just a little involved, how involved?"

"Very, very involved," added Bumblebee.

At the Decepticon base, Megatron and Soundwave both ambushed R-C.

"Freeze! Drop your weapons," ordered Megatron.

R-C tossed his guns to Megatron as he slowly approached.

"Hey buddy," R-C said.

"What?"

"You really better hope the first one knocks me out."

Megatron was not intimidated and hit R-C in the head, knocking him out.

Frenzy was just waking up from being unconscious.

"Ow, what the... My freaking head. Prima"

Starscream was standing over the fallen Rumble.

"He's hurt, Frenzy. He'll make it, but we need to get him some help fast."

"Yeah, yeah hold on one second. What happened here? W- First Rumble's head exploded, and then you fainted, and then some black thing showed up and started"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I did not faint! Something knocked me out."

"Okay fine, keep lying to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Man, just go find Megatron, we need to get Rumble out of here."

"Yeah sure, oh, and uh, I'm fine by the way, thanks for asking."

"Whatever, no one likes you anyway."

Bumblebee was watching Frenzy run into the base.

"Yep, he's definitely captured... Or dead... Captured or dead. Or captured _and_ dead!"

"Oh, well that's just _perfect_," yelled Optimus

"What? What is your problem? Why do you even care if he's captured, I thought you hated that guy anyway, for stealing your girlfriend," asked Jazz.

"I never said I hated R-C. I just said that she was the reason why we never got married."

"She," wondered Bumblebee.

Starscream reached the center of the base where every Decepticon except Rumble was present.

"Megatron, we need to get Rumble air-lifted out of here," he explained.

"Could you put that in a memo, and entitle it "Shit I already know!" Get on the horn with Command," ordered Megatron.

Then he turned to where R-C was being guarded by Soundwave,

"Well, look who's up. Rise 'n' shine, buttercup."

R-C tried to speak but sparks were coming from his body.

"Oh great... you broke my voice filter. You c&k biting f&ktards," R-C said in a girl's voice.

"Ah-ha! I knew it! Only a fembot could give me a headache _this_ big," exclaimed Frenzy.

"What's the matter, you never seen a girl before? How long have you guys been out here?"


	13. Ch 13: Robot Peer Bounding

Chapter Thirteen: Robot Peer Bonding

Jazz was trying to wrap around what Optimus told him and Bumblebee.

"Let me get this straight... you're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Bumblebee and beat the hell out of the Decepticons wasn't a guy at all? That he was a fembot? And on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?"

"In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary," responded Optimus.

"I should have known... She didn't like me... Girls, never, like me," growled Bumblebee.

"Bumblebee, I don't think anybody likes you," Jazz said insultingly.

"I like me."

"I don't think I've seen a girl that _mean_ before. Are you sure she's a fembot? And not a guy? Or like, part guy part cyber shark?"

"I'm pretty sure I'd know if R-C was a guy," said Optimus, "And I'm _definitely_ sure I would know if she was part cyber shark."

"Way, oh, wait oh wait. If she's a girl, then why is she named R-C," asked Bumblebee.

"Uh... because she's from the Speed District."

Bumblebee just stared at Optimus with a confused look.

"Trust me, it makes sense. And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault to begin with."

"Right. You should blame Primus," said Jazz, "First he makes oil hangovers, and now, half fembot, half cyber sharks that won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, Primus!"

"Will you shut up with that," yelled Optimus, "She got recruited in to some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where, they infused her armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell."

"_A.I. _What's the A stand for," asked Bumblebee.

"Artificial," said Optimus.

"What's the I,"

"Intelligence."

"Ooohhhhhhhhh what was the A again?"

"Let's move on."

"So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer. But underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl," asked Jazz.

"Oh _hell_ no. She's always been a rotten bitch-bot, it's just now she's a rotten bitch-bot with human cybernetic enhancements."

"Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch there buddy, she's a keeper."

"So how're you doing, Bumblebee? Are you following any of this whatsoever?"

"I think so... That guy R-C is really a human, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay human."

"Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay human."

Frenzy tried to learn more about the Decepticon prisoner.

"So you're a girl huh?"

R-C was not speaking a word.

"Just ignore him," said Starscream, "That's what I do."

"Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapons, are you."

"Hey punk, I don't need a weapon to kill you," threatened R-C.

"Yeah right what are you going to do. _Punch me_?"

R-C leaned in at Frenzy quickly, and then leaned back.

Frenzy flinched and step back, "Aaaahhh, not the face."

Back at the Autobot base, Optimus was working something out.

"Well don't worry, because I have a great plan for how we're going to rescue R-C."

"A plan? Oh, man, I _hate plans_,"complained Jazz."That means we're going to have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy, or ...mission statement?"

"I just need you guys to run a distraction, while I spring R-C."

"Distraction? Heh. That sounds a lot like 'decoy'," said Bumblebee.

"The way I see it, the Decepticons have absolutely no idea how many freelancers we have out here. So all I need from the two of you, is to run around in the middle of the canyon, wearing black armor, while I sneak in the back of the base."

"Sounds good. But Optimus, where the hell are we going to get two suits of black armor," asked Jazz.

Optimus turned his attention to the teleporter then Jazz looked at it.

"Oh f&kbolts."


	14. Ch 14: Roomier Than It Looks

Chapter Fourteen: Roomier Than It Looks

Optimus Prime's spark watched as Jazz came out of the teleporter, his robot body once again covered with the black stuff.

"Are you okay, Jazz," he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Jazz turned towards the Autobot Base, "Come on Bumblebee!"

"Does it hurt," Bumblebee asked at the base.

"No, not at all!"

"Okay! Here I come!" Bumblebee headed through the teleporter.

"Does it hurt for real," asked Optimus.

"Oh yeah, big time."

They both watch Bumblebee come out of the teleporter with black stuff too.

"Owwchie," he yelped and turned to Jazz, "You lied to me."

Megatron was watching the canyon on top of the Decepticon Base.

"Ah damnit," he cursed, "Soundwave. Come here. Do you see something out there?"

Soundwave look through the sniper rifle and then turned to Megatron, not saying anything.

Starscream and Frenzy were supposed to be watching R-C but were bickering at each other.

"There's no L in it, it's pronounced both," argued Starscream.

"That's what I'm saying. Bolth," said Frenzy.

"Both."

"You sound like such an _ass_ the way you say it."

"Frenzy! Quit your yammering and get your kicker up here," ordered Megatron, "Need some help. Got more of them Special Ops fellas headed toward the base."

"As in…more than one," asked Frenzy, "Uh, maybe we should bolth go, sir."

"_Both_," countered Starscream.

"Seriously man, _like an ass_."

"Well, well. Another brilliant idea from the think-tank," said Megatron, "Why don't you both come up. Leave the prisoner alone. We could just put her on the honor system, have her guard herself."

"Good point sir," praised Frenzy. "YOU'RE PRIMUS DAMN RIGHT IT IS! Now get your ass up here, we got just enough time for me to spray-paint the bull's-eye on your back... Ah, by bull's-eye I of course mean camouflage. Now move it, cupcake."

"Yeah…I'll be right up."

Optimus was on top of the cliff looking through a sniper rifle he picked up.

"Hey Jazz, come in man, are you there," he called on the radio, "This is Optimus, it's working. The grey one is coming out of the base. I repeat, the grey one is coming out of the base."

"Roger that," replied Jazz.

"Oh, oh oh oh, Jazz, Jazz, Jazz. Is that, is that Optimus," asked Bumblebee.

"Okay, now just keep moving around outside of the base, and draw their attention," ordered Optimus but Bumblebee's ranting drowned out his orders.

"Tell him, that I... I said... for me to say hi?"

"Whoa wait wait, hey. What? I missed that, Bumblebee was talking to me," said Jazz, "Shut up man, I'm on the radio."

"I said, just keep moving," Optimus began but he was interrupted by _Jazz_,

"I'm not yelling, I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Optimus. ...No, I'll tell him you said 'hi' _later_. No you can't talk to him. How could you possibly talk to him on my headset?"

"Oh my Primus," Optimus told himself, "I can't believe I actually _died_ for this war."

Frenzy was looking through the sniper rifle by Megatron's orders.

"I don't see any," but then he spotted Bumblebee running across the canyon, "Uh uh, yep, there's one," he saw Bumblebee stop at a rock and stare at it, "Why is he just standing there?"

"Bumblebee, get behind the rock," yelled Jazz, "They can still see you."

"They can't see me," said Bumblebee, "I can't see them!"

"That's because you're facing the rock."

Bumblebee turned and saw the base, "Oh. Right," he ducked behind the rock.

"Real smooth, dipshit."

"There definitely Special Ops," declared Megatron, "I ain't seen troop movements this coordinated since my days on Sidewi," Optimus' spark entered Megatron's body and began to possess him, "geekagerger!"

"Sir, are you okay," asked Frenzy.

Optimus began speaking through his nemesis, "Uh, who you talking to, Decepticon, me?"

"No. I'm talking to Soundwave," Frenzy replied sarcastically, "Because, you know, _that's_ real rewarding."

Soundwave tried to strike Frenzy for that insult.

"Hey, what'd I tell you about that?"

"Oh, uh I, I'm fine, that's... I'm just so mad about, these uh, Primus damn Autobots out here. It's like I'm so _Primus damn mad_, I could spit!" Optimus spat to his side but it latched on to Megatron's big shoulder.

"...Um, sir? Did you just spit on your shoulder?"

"Uh, yeah. I guess I did."

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"Go ahead"

"That's really f&king gross."

Jazz and Bumblebee were crouched together behind one big rock.

"Hey Jazz," asked Bumblebee.

"What?"

"I'm having a really good time... with... you."

"That's great, Bumblebee."

"Yeah, it's like we're _real soldiers_."

"Would you please go hide behind another rock?"

Optimus took Megatron to the center of the base where Starscream was watching R-C.

"Hey man. What's up yo," he said.

"Uh... hey... what's going on out there sir," asked Starscream.

"What's uh, why, nothing. Why would you ask if something's wrong?"

"I think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war."

"Yeah well, I don't know. You're starting to act kind of suspicious there, ...other Decepticon guy. So I'm keeping my eye on you."

Starscream turned to R-C, "Megatron, I'm starting to think that," Optimus hit Starscream on the back of his head, knocking him out cold, "Ow, geez, the back of my head!"

"What the hell are you doing," asked R-C.

"R-C. It's me, Optimus! I've come to rescue you," Optimus said in Megatron's body.

"You're kind of short to be Optimus."

"What? Oh yeah, right. The armor." Optimus left Megatron's body and the Decepticon leader woke up.

"Harurgh! What in Sam Hell? Where the? Who spit on my shoulder," he wondered.

"R-C, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just going to give you the summary here, okay," Optimus began, "I'm a spark now, and I'm trapped in the physical world. I possessed this Decepticon, so that I could sneak in to the base and rescue you, while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon, dressed in black armor, that they got from going through the teleporter."

"…Okay," said R-C.

"What... that's it? Okay? You're not surprised by any of this?"

"No, it pretty much all makes sense."

"Not even the whole 'Optimus is a spark' thing? That didn't do anything for ya?"

"I can see right through you, it's pretty obvious."

"Okay, well, let me hop back in this guy and we'll get out of here."

Optimus repossessed Megatron, "Harurghk!"

Jazz saw Bumblebee was looking through a sniper rifle.

"What are you doing," he asked.

"One of the Decepticons has R-C. I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and free R-C. Then Optimus will forgive me for killing _him_, and we will be friends," explained Bumblebee.

"Oh, come on, you don't actually believe any of that, do you?"

Bumblebee focused on Megatron's head, "Ohhh, we're going to be best friends."

"Alright, I'll make one more distraction," said Optimus, "then you run up to the teleporter, and escape. Ready? One... Two... Three!"

Bumblebee shot Megatron in the head and Megatron fell over on his back.

"What the? Where did my body go," Optimus' spark said, "Oh, you've got to be KIDDING me!"

"Jazz did it," yelled Bumblebee.


	15. Ch 15: How The Other Half Lives

Chapter Fifteen: How The Other Half Lives

Megatron woke up in a strange place. It looked like Blood Gulch but the colors were dulled.

"Hello? Hello," he called out, "Is _any_body out here?"

"Holy cow, would you stop yelling? I'm here," said Optimus' spark.

"What is this place?"

"Well, that's... kind of hard to explain. Uhm... You were shot in the head, buddy. So, here you are."

"Am I dead?"

"Are you dead, well, yeah, that's how I ended up here."

"Are you some kind of Robot Angel?"

"Aheh heh heh ham I am Robot Angel. Uh, yeah, actually, I am, I'm a Robot Angel. Um, do you want to go to Robot Heaven? Cause it's, like, ten bucks to get in."

"Well I uh, I didn't really bring any, I mean, my wallet's back in the car."

"Hey you don't have it there, huh? Well uh, that's too bad. Pretty crappy reason to be damned to Robot Hell for an eternity."

"I don't remember dying."

"Yeah, that's my fault too. I was... sort of possessing your body at the time that you were shot. Sorry about that."

"Hold on a second, that ain't fair."

"_Not fair?_ Yeah, join the fricking club. I got shot by my own tank."

"Target locked," said Joan who was with them too.

"Oh ha ha, very funny Joan," said Optimus, "Shut up. You know I still haven't forgiven you. I didn't say you could talk to me yet. Go there and get, go, get, go for the base. Shoo, shoo!"

Joan drove off in shame.

Back in the real world, Frenzy and Starscream stood over Megatron's body.

"Megatron! Don't give up on me solider, do you here me," yelled Frenzy, "I'm ordering you!"

"Who said that? Who's there," asked Megatron in the spark world.

"Looks like your guys are trying to save," Optimus stated as he and Megatron looked at a wavy image of the Decepticons.

Frenzy was beating Megatron's body, "You got to breathe, man! You got to pull through! Come on, Megatron!"

"That is _not_ the way you were trained to do that, Private," Megatron yelled in the spark world.

"He can't hear you," explained Optimus.

"Frenzy, this isn't working," stated Starscream, "We have to tried something else."

"If he tries to use jumper cables, I'm leaving," said Optimus.

"…Maybe you should get the jumper cables."

"I'm leaving."

"I can't believe how hard they're trying to save me," Megatron said.

"Why wouldn't they? I mean, my team didn't, but, why wouldn't yours?"

"I thought they didn't like me."

"Aw, don't sell yourself short. I don't even _know_ ya, and here I am about to guide you to Robot Heaven for only five bucks."

"Hold on, if you're a Robot Angel, how come you ain't got no wings?"

"Because I didn't get the upgrade, ah heh heh heh. Seriously, do you have the money or don't you?"

"Oh I feel the worst about Frenzy. I always made fun of him. I never even told him, he was my son."

"No way, you built the grey guy?" "Naw, I just wanted to screw with him one last time. But now I'll never get that chance."

"He's online! We saved Megatron," yelled Frenzy.

"I'm what," asked Megatron.

"He's what," asked Optimus.

"Well I'll be a droid's…they saved me."

"What? No, come back! We need to even the sides!"

"Thanks for your help, wingless Robot Angel fellow! Will I remember any of this?"

"Yes, but only if you give me two dollars!"

Megatron woke up next to Starscream and Frenzy in the real world.

"There. What... what happened here," he asked.

"Sir, you got shot in the head, so we shocked you with jumper cables and saved you, sir," explained Starscream.

"I always believe in you, Starscream."

"Uh, actually, it's Frenzy you should thank sir. He did all the work."

"Frenzy?"

"Yes sir."

Megatron turned to his reviver, "Frenzy, why in Hell would you shock somebody with jumper cables for a laser wound in the head?!? That doesn't make a lick of sense."

"You're welcome sir," sighed Frenzy.

"I mean it's all so damn inconsistent. What would you do if they stabbed me in the foot, rub my neck with some antifreeze? Hey there Frenzy! I think I feel a low battery coming on. Could you help me out with one of them therapeutic massages? Use your fingers, not your knuckles. That there, that's good. Lower back. Yeah, I can feel that working already. Don't be afraid to go too low. ... oh yeah, shee-atsu.


	16. Ch 16: A Slightly Crueler Cruller

Chapter Sixteen: A Slightly Crueler Cruller

This was the first day Rumble was back at the Decepticon base and he had been given upgrades. His hammer-hands were replaced with real hands, he had a piledriver attached to his back and was given new weapons.

"Dude, this is sweet," he told the others, "Megatron was so happy that I got the Autobot disk, he gave me my own color armor."

Frenzy and Starscream noticed something interesting about the new armor.

"Uh…hey Rumble," said Frenzy.

"What?"

"Um, about your armor," Starscream continued.

"What about it?"

"How do I put this...Your armor is, um... It's a little, um... Frenzy, uh, you want to help me out here?"

"It's pink. Your armor is fricking pink," explained Frenzy.

"Yeah, that's it. Pink."

"Pink, my armor is not pink," denied Rumble.

"_Pink_," Frenzy said again.

"Yeah, definitely pink," agreed Starscream.

"You guys are colorblind," said Rumble,

"Why would I get pink armor?"

"Hey, don't ask, don't tell," Frenzy replied and laugh.

"Hey, that's not funny," said Starscream.

"It's a little funny."

"Look at it, it's not pink. It's like uh... a lightish red," stated Rumble.

"Guess what: they already have a color for lightish red. You know what it's called? _Pink_."

"I hate you guys."

Megatron came up the ramp with Soundwave following him.

"Well hello, _dirtbags_," he said to Frenzy and Starscream, "And a fine hello to you, madam," he said to the pink Rumble.

"It's _light red_," Rumble stated.

"Don't get your panties in a wad there, Barbie. Do you have a package for me?"

"Yes sir."

"Excellent."

Rumble held up a mechanical unit.

"They said this speech unit should work with Soundwave."

"_Speech_ unit," wondered Frenzy.

Rumble handed to unit to Megatron, "Here you go."

"Affirmative," replied Megatron, "The Decepticons were fresh out of speech modules when I first started building Soundwave. But once I get this baby installed, I'll finally have someone intelligent to talk to. No offense, Starscream."

"Oh, don't worry, I know who you mean sir," Starscream said.

"Wait a second, Soundwave can't talk," asked Frenzy.

"Of course he can't. You didn't notice never spent time with us?"

"I just thought he was a really quiet guy."

"And the fact that the only ways he communicated were sign language and pictures didn't get your attention," said Megatron.

"Well I did thing the pictures were a bit odd. I just thought he was trying to impress me."

"Hey, Megatron. You really should ground yourself before handling that card," warned Starscream.

"How come?"

"Because static could damage the card."

"Come on. That's an urban legend they use to sell those stupid bracelets. And I suppose pop neurons and oil's going to make my stomach blow up!"

Megatron inserted the card and received a minor static shock.

"Yow!"

"Sir. I won't say I told you so, sir."

"Good. I hate to make Strawberry Shortcake here my new favorite private."

"It's not pink, it's lightish red," yelled Rumble.

At the Autobot base, Bumblebee was trying to clean off the black stuff while Jazz stood there with his armor fresh.

"Ah, man, uh, you know, this stuff does not come off easy," said Bumblebee.

"Yeah, this was a lot easier when we were cleaning just my armor," replied Jazz.

"Yeah, I know that, that's I think because you know uh, _you didn't do anything_."

"I'm sorry, what? It's kind of hard to hear you over the sound of your constant team killing."

"Ah, ah, aaahhhh ha ha ha ha ah yeah, ah yeah aha, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... Don't make me mad."

Rumble tried to remember why he was gone from the Decepticons for so long.

"So, what _happened_ to me anyway? I recall something about a nanobot on my head?"

"Right. That was a grenade," Frenzy said.

"And the last thing I remember, is a loud bang, and then Starscream fainting."

"Ha! Told you so!"

"I did not faint," countered Starscream.

"Done and done," Megatron said as he backed away from Soundwave, "Soundwave. Activate speech unit!"

Soundwave's speech unit turned but the words he was saying were some weird language that the others could not understand.

"Am I the only one not understanding any of this," asked Rumble.

"I installed English as the primary language," explained Megatron, "But it seems that he only speaking Ancient Cybertronian."

The only thing that was English was when Soundwave said his name.

"Soundwave, he just said Soundwave! I understood that," said Frenzy, "I can speak Cybertronian!"

"Soundwave. _Speak, English_," ordered Megatron.

Soundwave's response was once again in Cybertronian.

"Huh, I think you shorted out his speech unit with that static, sir," suggested Starscream.

"Maybe Princess Leia here picked up the wrong model," Megatron said to Rumble.

"Seriously dude. For the last time, not pink."

"Soundwave. I order you to speak a language we understand." Soundwave continued with the Cybertronian.

"Well this is just dandy. Soundwave. How, do, we, fix, your, speech, u, -nit?"

"Why are you talking so slow? He understands _us_ just fine," said Frenzy, "Maybe you should try listening slower."

"Soundwave, would you like to shoot Frenzy," asked Megatron.

Soundwave raised his gun as Frenzy tried to stop him.


	17. Ch 17: Points of Origin

Chapter Seventeen: Points of Origin

Bumblebee and Jazz watched Optimus and R-C argue with one another.

"As far as I'm concerned, I'm square with you," said R-C.

"I saved you from a life of imprisonment," argued Optimus, "How the hell are you square with _me_?"

"Because _I_ didn't kill _you_ back at Sidewinder."

"You know, I don't really see how not killing somebody is the same thing as doing them a favor."

"Well, if you don't appreciate it, I could just kill you right now."

"No you can't, I'm already dead, bitch! I guess the joke's on you!"

"Stop it! Stop fighting," yelled Bumblebee, "Can't you see that you're tearing us apart? WHAT ABOUT US??"

"What _about_ you," asked R-C.

"We helped you too. And what do we get? Nothing!"

"Well yeah, but"

"Yeah, _but nothing_," interrupted Optimus, "He's got a point."

"I did help them get the disk back," said R-C.

"Yeah, but you were paid to do that," argued Jazz, "We rescued you as a favor. We could have just let you rot in the Decepticon prison. It wouldn't have made any difference to us."

"Fine, I'll stay here as long as it takes to help you guys win this thing. As soon as I have, I'm out of here. What do you need me to do?"

"I have no idea. If you knew how to fix a tank, I would have you do that."

"Okay."

"Wait, you know how to fix Joan," asked Bumblebee, "I love you."

Frenzy, Starscream, and Rumble watched as Soundwave rambled on in Cybertronian.

"Man. First he doesn't talk at all, and now we can't get him to shut up," said Frenzy, "What's he saying?"

"What're you asking me for," asked Starscream.

"Well you know. You have that Cybertronian ability."

"I can't speak Cybertronian. I had that chip removed."

"But I thought."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"I can talk to him," said Rumble.

"_Nobody cares_," Frenzy and Starscream yelled.

Jazz and Bumblebee headed out to where Joan the Ark Tank was on her top. Optimus and R-C followed after them.

"Okay, take it easy guys, when I was over at the Decepticon base, I saw that they've already got their jeep fixed," explained Optimus, "So whatever you do, don't let them see us before we get Joan back online."

"Okay, okay. Even if we get Sheila fixed, how are we going to turn her over," asked Bumblebee, "I mean it's not as if we could just lift!"

He turned to see R-C had flipped Joan back on her trends,

"Oh. She is a very strong lady."

"I'm the least one visible, so I'm going to head up to higher ground, I'll keep an eye on the Decepticon base. If I see anything, I'll let you know."

"Great. I'll come with you!"

"That kind of defeats the purpose, Bumblebee."

"Okay. What if I'm really…really…quiet?"

"Do you even understand what the term 'visibility' means?"

"Ah hah hah, uhh... good one Optimus."

"Seriously. You don't know what it means, do you."

"Uh no."

"Bumblebee, just stay here, and try not to accidentally shut yourself down or anything like that."

"Just watch the Decepticon base," said Jazz, "And tell us if you see any movement."

Jazz ran to R-C who was fixing the tank.

"So, I suppose if you're helping us, you're not as mean as I thought."

"I wouldn't say I'm mean, I just get hired to do mean things."

"Yeah, but you like it."

"Well I think it's important to enjoy what you do."

"So let's say I paid you to kill Bumblebee. You would still do it, right? Even though you're supposed to be helping us?"

"Is this a hypothetical discussion, or should we start talking numbers?"

"Yeah, I don't want to talk about this any more."

Optimus ran up to the ledge where he got shot.

"Hey Jazz," he yelled.

"What!?"

"What the hell is my body still doing up here?"

"That's part of being dead, Optimus. Your body doesn't really move around much any more. Maybe you haven't fully grasped the concept yet."

"Alright, well let me rephrase that then. Why in the hell haven't you buried my body yet?"

"Buried? With what? All we have are pistols and rifles. What do you want me to do, shoot you a grave?"

"Well then how about shipping me back home. You know, let the loved ones pay a little respect."

"Well Optimus, here's your girlfriend. R-C, as one of Optimus' loved ones, would you like to pay your respects?"

R-C ignored him and continued fixing Joan.

"That was a stirring eulogy. Rest in peace, good buddy!"


	18. Ch 18: Rust Protection 0

Chapter Eighteen: Rust Protection 0

Jazz, Bumblebee, and Optimus' spark all looked down at Optimus' body that was beginning to rust.

"I am not happy about this," remarked Optimus.

"I have an idea," said Bumblebee but nobody responded, "_I have an idea_!"

"Yeah, we heard you the first time, Bumblebee," replied Jazz, "We were just ignoring you."

"Since you possessed that _Decepticon_ guy, and took control of _him_, why don't you possess your own body," stated Bumblebee.

"Oh I see, so that way I would be living inside my own dead body," said Optimus.

"Yes."

"Unable to move, just, laying there, rusting in the sun for all eternity."

"_Yes_."

"Okay Bumblebee, I'll be sure to get right on that."

"I think you are a mean spark."

"Dude, you really stink," commented Jazz.

"What?"

"Your _body_, it stinks."

"Jazz, the first chance we get, you are going to bury my body."

"Quit your bitching, nothing's going to happen to it."

"_It's a freaking indignity_! My body fought hard for this army, and it deserves to be laid to rest."

"Get over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now?"

"Hey, Optimus, look, birds," exclaimed Bumblebee, "Why are they flying in circles?"

"Nuh, Primus."

Frenzy and Starscream were on patrol at the Decepticon base. They were also trying to fight boredom.

"Okay, I'll go again," said Frenzy, "I spy something, that begins with."

"Dirt," answered Starscream.

"Damn! How did you"

"Well, because you did rock last time. That's all that's out here, is rock and dirt."

"Yeah, this canyon sucks."

The Autobots watched R-C fixing the tank. Bumblebee was holding a sniper rifle to look better.

"How long do you figure until R-C fixes the tank," asked Optimus.

"Not much longer, she said it's going pretty well," replied Jazz, "The gun's almost working, and then she'll get it moving again."

"Oh, that's just fan_tas_tic."

"Why would that upset you?"

"Because as soon as she gets the tank online, she's going to use it against the Decepticons, and they're all going to die."

"The Decepticons dying is a good thing."

"No Jazz, it's _not_ a good thing. As soon as we beat the Decepticons, R-C is out of here. And I still haven't figured out a way to get that A.I. out of her head."

"_A.I_," began Bumblebee.

"Shut up Bumblebee. And if I don't get it out before she leaves…"

"If she leaves you won't ever find her again," concluded Jazz.

"Right."

"So what're you going to do?"

"I guess I'm going to do the only thing that I _can_ do. I have to warn the Decepticons before she fixes the tank."

"You're switching sides?"

"Sorry guys. I don't have much choice."

"Optimus, uh, wha, what happens when the Decepticons out here, to stop R-C, and then they come also with guns and they find us," asked Bumblebee.

"I'll try to do the best I can. Good luck guys."

Optimus spark faded away from his comrades.

Bumblebee looked to Jazz, "Does this mean I should try to kill Optimus now?"

"I tell you what. Kill me. I promise not to come back."

Bumblebee turned his attention to the Decepticon base where he saw the pink Rumble.

"Hey! Look at _this_!"

"No."

"They have, a girl. They have a girl!"

"A what?"

"_A girl, a girl! Look, pink armor_!"

Jazz turned to face the base.

"Oh man, how come they get a girl?"

"Uh, you guys realize that I'm a chick, right? And that I'm standing right here," R-C called from below.

"Yeah R-C," answered Jazz, "but when we say a girl, we mean a girl girl."

"And what the hell does that mean?"

"Nothing," the Autobots yelled as they backed away from edge.

"Wait a second. If R-C heard that, do you think she heard Optimus' secret plan to warn the Decepticons about her," Jazz asked Bumblebee.

"I don't know… but I think I know how to find out."

Bumblebee slowly stepped to the edge and looked down at R-C.

"Hey... R-C! Uh... Did you hear Optimus' secret plan to tell the Decepticons that you were fixing the tank?"

R-C kept working and Bumblebee returned to Jazz.

"I don't think she knows. ...Unless she can read minds... She can't read minds, can she? ...Can you hear what I'm thinking?"


	19. Ch 19: Last One Out, Hit The Lights

Chapter Nineteen: Last One Out, Hit The Lights

For subtitles of Optimus ( ) will surround a sentence

Frenzy and Starscream stood on top of the base with Soundwave behind them.

"Hey Frenzy."

"Yeah?"

"You ever wonder why we're here?"

"No. I never, _ever_ wonder why we're here. Semper Fi, bitch-bot."

Optimus' spark entered Soundwave's body and began possessing him.

"Keegakergerk," Soundwave yelled.

"What? What's wrong with Soundwave," asked Starscream.

"I don't care," replied Frenzy. "Hey, Soundwave, uh... you okay man?"

(Guys. I need to give... you a... warning... What? Why am I speaking Cybertronian? I don't know Cybertronian!)

"Um…Sure…"

(No, listen to me! This mean terminatrix is going to kill you! She is fixing the tank!)

Jazz saw that R-C was almost finished.

"Aw, crap. Bumblebee, she's almost done fixing Joan. I better radio Optimus and tell him what's going on."

"Oh, oh, oh, Jazz please, Jazz, Jazz, Jazz, Jazz, Jazz, please."

"Yes, you can be the one who radios Optimus."

"Thanks man," Bumblebee turned his radio on to contact his leader, "Calling Optimus. Come in Optimus. This is your close, personal friend, Private Galvatron."

Jazz was confused by the new name that was heard.

"Galvatron? You said your name was Bumblebee."

"I never said that, you guys did," replied Bumblebee/Galvatron. "Why didn't you correct us?"

"Because I didn't want to be difficult. Come in Optimus. Do you copy? Soldier unit R-C almost has the armor vehicle situation rectified. Okay. We require verification of your... mission...ness. How is your progression?"

Optimus response was in Cybertronian,

(Bumblebee! No one here is listening to me! I can only speak Cybertronian for some reason!)

"…He says he wants to talk to you," Bumblebee told Jazz.

"Thank you for activating the M-808V Ark Battle Tank," Joan said as R-C entered the tanks driver seat and began ignition.

"Oh shit. We got trouble," said Jazz.

Back at the Decepticon base, Optimus was trying to explain that the tank was coming but all that came out of Soundwave's voice filter was Cybertronian.

"Hey. I think if you are going to live in this country, you should speak the language," commented Frenzy.

"What country? We're on an alien planet," replied Starscream.

"What're you, a communist?"

Just then Joan fired a blast that hit the side of the base.

"Son of bitch-bot!"

"Son of bitch-bot!"

(Son of bitch-bot!)

At the Autobot base Jazz and Bumblebee were looking at the battle across the canyon.

Bumblebee was looking through the sniper rife.

"Okay, I'm getting really sick of asking people what's going on through that sniper rife," said Jazz.

"Optimus is getting mad at us," said Bumblebee.

"Ohhhhh. Well that's a nice change of pace."

Megatron got into the Scorponok and began calling on the radio, "Starscream. I'm coming around in the Scorponok. Get ready to take the gunner position when I come by."

"Roger that."

"I'll uh…I'll stay here," said Frenzy.

"Yeah. Stay here, and guard this cement ramp. It's _vital_ to our success."

Megatron skidded around the base and Starscream jumped onto the gunner.

They began taking off to the tank, "Alright, I'm on board," said Starscream.

"Alright, here's the plan," Megatron began but the tank blew the Scorponok…again, "INSECTICON!"

The two left the jeep and returned to the top of the base where Frenzy was waiting.

"Wow, back so soon," he asked, "You guys win the war already?"

"Yeah, uh, did you want to finish telling me the plan _now_, Megatron?"

"If we survive this, I'm going to kill both of you. _Slowly_."

"Hey Starscream? By the way, the ramp is secure."

Joan kept on firing at the base when Rumble came up from inside of the base, "Hey, what're you guys doing up here?"

"That fembot in the black armor's back," answered Frenzy.

"What fembot, the one that stuck the grenade to my head?"

"That's the one," said Starscream.

"The same fembot whose fault it is that I'm stuck with this light red armor?"

"Rumble, I understand the need to safeguard your robot masculinity, but really dude. It's a _whole_ lot faster just to say pink," said Frenzy.

"Ohhuw. Oh I have been waiting for this."

Rumble ran up to the edge of the base.

"Hey Bitch-bot! Remember me!? I saved something for you!"

Rumble threw a grenade that took a long distance across the sky.

"Man, that girl's got a really good arm," said Jazz.

The grenade landed on the tank, right in the driver's seat.

"Aw, crap," cried R-C.

"Hell yeah! Three points, you dirty whore," yelled Rumble.

The tank exploded…again.

Optimus ran off to the tank while screaming in Cybertronian.

"Uh…where's Soundwave going," asked Frenzy.

"To fight the enemy, head on, in hand to hand combat. Mano e mano. What a brave little comrade," explained Megatron, "Soundwave, I never understood a word you said. But I do know one thing. You hated Frenzy, and that's the most important thing there is. Adios, amigo... Adios."

"Shouldn't we help him," asked Starscream.

"Naw… that would just ruin the moment."

Optimus was looking down at the body of R-C.

"Optimus, is that you? It, it's gone, Optimus. The A.I., it's gone. Thank you. Heeeee, bleah..." R-C said in her dying words.

"Crap. Optimus is going to be pissed, and now he's got a body to kick our robot ass," said Jazz, "Come on Bumblebee, let's get back to base."

"I told you, my name isn't Bumblebee," he said in a deep voice, "My name…is…Galvatron…"

End of Season One


End file.
